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标题: 超流行的成人幽默升级版
明日花黄
该用户已被删除
#1
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发表于 2009-2-12 21:37
超流行的成人幽默升级版
超流行的成人幽默升级版
二十一世纪成人在线最新更新
1、某君住店,夜半致电吧台:最便宜的小姐多少钱?答:“一百,但是丑哦,漂亮的五百。”某君说要丑的。小姐来后,某君让其裸坐沙发,自去床上酣睡至天亮。小姐不解问:“叫我来干吗?”某君答:“房内蚊子太多!” (这个故事说明,只要转变观念,任何资源均可为我所用。)
2、一女极丑,鬼见了都跑。一穷设计师把其制成年画,广告词写的是:挂门头,避邪;挂床头,避孕!此设计师因此得奖,进入小康阶层。
3、一蚊子进城,饿极。见一小姐双乳高耸,遂一头扎入猛咬,结果满嘴全是硅胶,于是仰天长叹:“唉,食品安全太成问题了!上哪找放心奶啊?”
4、庄稼汉进城买避孕套,忘了避孕套怎么说。在药店柜前转悠半天,还是想不起来。最后只好小声地问女售货员:小姐,有没有卖装jj的塑料袋? 转自华声论坛
5、一对情人做爱,男总喜欢说:“我要弄死你!”忽忽几日未见,女找到男单位,男问:有事吗?女柔声道:“也没啥事,就是不想活了……”
6、一群妇女等候B超检查,护士喊:排好了啊,彩B的站左边;黑白B的站右边。一妇女不懂,掀开裙子退下内裤,问护士:你看我的算什么B?护士没好气地说:你是牛B!!
7、母鸡对公牛发牢骚:“人类让我多下蛋,自己却计划生育,这太不公平了!”老公牛说:“你这算个屁呀?全世界人民都喝我老婆的奶,谁他妈的管我叫爹!”
8、一对盲人夫妇约定做爱暗号,男人说:“打牌。”女人说:“开始。”隔壁小青年经常听到打牌,心想盲人怎么打牌呢?于是偷窥,一看原来如此。某日,小青年趁男盲人外出,溜进其家,对女盲人说:“打牌。”女盲人说:“开始。”于是两人xj。小青年本领大,至高潮处,女盲人连夸:“好牌。”到了晚上,男盲人又想与妻打牌,女盲人说:“你不是白天打了一次了吗?”男盲人一听,又急又气,惊呼:“不好,有人偷牌!”
9、女领导夜归,突被两男架上车,一男威胁说:“老实点,劫色的。”女领导闻言笑骂道:“他爹的,这么愉快的事,搞得这么紧张,吓死了,我还以为被双规了!”转自华声论坛
10、汽车嫁给火车,可不久就离婚了。大家问原因,汽车伤心地说:“他天天担心我被撞,我呢,时时怕他出轨,真受不了!”
11、某县原某局长,肚里没几点墨汁。局里新分配来的一位大学生,崇拜鲁迅,便在自己的案头玻璃下夹了一张鲁迅的照片。局长发现后,语重心长的对他说:“年轻人呀,要多学点马列、毛主席的著作;要摆也应该摆他们的照片,怎么能把你爷爷摆在这呢?”
12、乡下,一小男孩满身大汗拉着一头牛。路过的游客好奇地问:〝你要把牛拉到哪去?〞
〝到邻村和母牛配种。〞
〝这样的事不能让你父亲做吗?〞转自华声论坛
男孩连连摇头:〝不行,一定得公牛才行!〞
13、村里通知:集中母猪〝人工授精〞。大娘把母猪牵到兽医站的院子里,兽医同志指着天井告诉大娘,〝拴在那里,等会来牵回去就好。〞
大娘看到天井很脏,犹豫了一会,问道:〝这里就好呀?要不,我去给你们抱把稻草来。〞
〝不用不用,一下子就好了。〞
过了一会,大娘去领回母猪,同志对她说:〝好啦!这次保证一胎十二只。〞
大娘一脸疑惑,说:〝十二只是好,但生出来都像同志你,这猪可怎么卖啊?〞
14、医生与院长不和,被调至妇科,窃喜。次日接看女患者数十名,连摸带看,持续勃起八小时。晚上老婆缠着做爱,阳萎不举。才恍然大悟:干他娘!又被领导暗算了!
15、一医科大学生到乡村医院实习,不懂说农村的话。一次接诊一位大嫂,叮嘱她不能与丈夫〝性 交〞,大嫂听不明白,解释了半天,她还是强调:〝我丈夫姓郑!〞
16、美国选情畅想:如果希拉里当选美国总统,最爽的当算克林顿----他干了8年美国总统,又至少能干美国总统4年!
17、文革后期,公检法未恢复、健全,抓人的事全凭局长一支笔审批。我们那里有个青年民警准备结婚,打个报告送给局长。正在打牌的局长大笔一挥,签下四只字:同意逮捕!
18、汕头话把洗脸叫洗面。一从北方调来的女市长,下乡到农家访问,男主人热情端来洗脸水,说:〝请市长洗下面。〞市长楞了。随员只好解释说:〝是当地风俗,搬进房里洗吧!〞 转自华声论坛
19姐姐出差,晚上姐夫和小姨子在客厅聊天,姐夫问:〝你税后多少钱?〞小姨子脸一红,小声说:〝和姐夫睡还提钱!〞
20、C 君去海南旅游回来,我问去没去万泉河畔,他说去了,还看到很多娘子军。然后在我耳边补充说:都是黄色的
369585086
该用户已被删除
#2
使用道具
发表于 2009-2-13 21:55
o(∩_∩)o...哈哈 真是太有意思了
oklhc100
该用户已被删除
#3
使用道具
发表于 2009-2-14 01:15
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tangjun808
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#4
使用道具
发表于 2009-2-14 15:58
超声波自动筷子消毒机024-31401808筷子消毒机
[b][size=3][color=#f76809]声波筷子消毒机[/color][/size][/b] 一种国家优秀专利项目-《超声波全自动筷子消毒机》现已开始上市。它集自动消毒,安全存放,自动输出为一体。每台机器佩戴200双仿像骨筷子。使用筷子时只需按动按钮筷子即自动输出机外。它具有体积小、使用方便、成本低、耗能少、寿命长等特点。它适用于一切公共餐饮场所。
节省开支:以一小饭店为例,使用一次性筷子每月费用150元以上,使用一台筷子消毒机不到三个月收回了成本,以后不需支出筷子费用。某高校食堂每天需支出一次性筷子费用200元,使用筷子消毒机后,当年节省开支5万多元,其他一些食堂和饭店都收到了同样效果。
讲卫生上档次:它有效地将治病病菌、病毒杀灭。经省防疫站检测达到卫生标准。使用它可以解决目前社会上使用的各种筷子的不卫生问题。如一次性筷子在运输、储放过程中的污染。经消毒柜消毒后的筷子在上纸套过程中触摸和纸套的污染等。
使用它在保证了就餐者健康的同时提高了服务质量和社会文明。
环保节约:专家预测在不到10年内一次性筷子将用掉国内所有森林,目前森林已大面积减少,已经造成严重的后果,如土地大面积荒漠化,河流断流,沙尘暴等。使用一台筷子消毒机一年可保护几十课大树,如果全国普遍应用可保护人类赖以生存的环境。
[size=3][color=#ff0000][b]超声波全自动筷子消毒机价格:350元 批发另议[/b][/color][/size]
。
lylsgyt
该用户已被删除
#5
使用道具
发表于 2009-2-14 20:09
有意思!!!!!!!
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